Women's Complex Relationship to Body Image

Most women would not consider themselves eating disordered. Most would not even really say they are self-conscious. They might say, "Well, it's just a fact. My nose is gigantic. My hips are too wide for my body. My eyes are dully and my hair is mousy. I'm a realist." The fact is that they are unique in this. We are unique in this. Men have insecurities, too, of course, and I don't intend to diminish their struggle with body image when I talk about how women feel. However, it cannot be denied that it is absolutely commonplace for a woman to berate herself for how she looks.

We make so many value judgements about ourselves and about each other (though I would argue that deprecating yourself leaves the door open for other women and men and to do the same). These are supposed to be subjective judgements, such as someone's hips being "too" big. What is too big anyway? How is the exact proportion determined? By the standards of what men are attracted to? We take the negative things we tell ourselves as definitive truths and broadcast them to the world until we--and those around us--cannot hear over the shouting and screaming voices in our heads. The voices beat us down and we can't stop them because they've become so ingrained in how we see ourselves.

Then there's the question of disordered eating. So many women police their own eating and the eating of other women. People will condescend to me for eating an apple (e.g. "Oh, you're so healthy"), or for eating a slice of cake (e.g. "Should you really be eating that?"). Since all of my actions make it absolutely clear that this behaviour is unacceptable and people continue to be so openly rude about it, imagine what happens to girls who speak out about their 'negative' qualities? The moment you complain about those "10 extra pounds" or your "flat chest", someone is going to take this as an invitation to give you unsolicited advice or make snide comments about your food choices. And the saddest part is that most women listen and let people like this affect which food and how much of it they are going to eat.

The most dangerous aspect of all of this business is that most women have been so deep in this spiralling process for such a length of time that they barely notice it. They just think they're being rational and realistic, and that to be a confident woman is to have something wrong with you! They turn on people who've managed to work--hard--to get past problems with body image and eating and tell them that they're full of themselves. Women against women is the worst thing, and yet I worry exactly about those women who take out their self-esteem issues on other women. The targets of their comments are relatively safe, if they really are comfortable in their skin. Envy and self-loathing are a poison that course through the veins of many women who've had their self-esteem beaten out of them over the years. They're not bad people, but the poison flows from them to those around them, creating a chain reaction in all those who become involved.

I won't even bother to mention the media in this post, or how patriarchal society (which creates media and fosters an anti-female attitude) contributes to these sentiments. That's enough for two more posts, entirely!