The Writer's Craft

Realising that you are a great writer, that you are truly naturally talented, is one of the best feelings in the whole world. You’re writing a seemingly normal sentence when it strikes you hard. Deep in the chest, somewhere. You realise that you love what you just wrote. I mean, you’re obsessed with it. It could be a line, a paragraph, an entire story or even just a particularly well-chosen word.

You kind of blush and the hairs on your skin stand up on their ends. It’s not like you’re going to share this small victory with anyone. You’re not calling mom up to tell her about that time you connected a plot point to three separate themes in your novel. Instead, as adrenaline flows through your body, you are silent.

That’s because you know what comes next: the realisation that you don’t have to work as hard as others. You don’t have to practice your craft because you’ve got this one down. It’s easy, right? Thinking this way, you start to write less often. When you do, it’s nothing revolutionary. You tell yourself you’ll do better, go farther with your work later. Some unspecified time in the future. Who knows when it could be? But you’re so sure of yourself that you just know you’ll be able to pull it out of your ass when the time comes.

Let me tell you that that’s not true. When that day comes, you will be out of practice—downright rusty. All the time those other writers spent on improving themselves is gone and you wasted it. They will surpass you in ability and success. This is dangerous for anyone who has a natural talent for anything, but I am a writer and this is my problem.

Sometimes I don’t even dare to call myself a writer because I put it on the backburner so much. School, work, other obligations and clubs, a social life; they all have come between me and writing for a long time. While I still have to fulfill those obligations, I think my resolution—not just for 2014 but for life—is to make more time, more room, for writing in my life.

Representing Women in Media

Even in the most low profile media sources, average women are consistently depicted as skinny. Sure, some bigger women make it onto our screens and into the public eye, but most of them are in some way 'other'. Women over a size 4 are oversexualised, fetishised and mocked in the public eye. As a result, we have collectively fostered an environment where only a narrow selection of women in society are considered desirable or acceptable. We have so many preconceived notions about bigger women, be it about their sex life or the amount of aggression in their personalities. These types of generalisations are not made about women who fit nicely into the norm of society.

It wouldn't be that difficult to hire a couple of cheerleaders with big thighs or bulging stomachs. Sure, some people (insecure men and women) would proclaim disgust, but their opinions don't matter. And not just because they are sad individuals, but because their opinions would so easily change over time. If this new representation of women in media persisted for as little as ten years, I'm confident that even the loudest naysayers would soon (a) change their ways or (b) be quiet because their hurtful opinions would have been quelled by the new wave of thought.

While I think it's important for individual women to look how they want, dress how they want and eat what they want, I don't think it's enough to make a pervasive societal change. What we need is for those in control of the public opinion to change it slowly and steadily by creating a more inclusive image of what women look like and who they are. We are not defined by our size. We are different people who play various roles. We deserve to be viewed with as much frequency and respect as those women whom men have been taught to find attractive by media representation over the years. And we don't deserve for our fellow women to beat us down for their own gain.

Women's Complex Relationship to Body Image

Most women would not consider themselves eating disordered. Most would not even really say they are self-conscious. They might say, "Well, it's just a fact. My nose is gigantic. My hips are too wide for my body. My eyes are dully and my hair is mousy. I'm a realist." The fact is that they are unique in this. We are unique in this. Men have insecurities, too, of course, and I don't intend to diminish their struggle with body image when I talk about how women feel. However, it cannot be denied that it is absolutely commonplace for a woman to berate herself for how she looks.

We make so many value judgements about ourselves and about each other (though I would argue that deprecating yourself leaves the door open for other women and men and to do the same). These are supposed to be subjective judgements, such as someone's hips being "too" big. What is too big anyway? How is the exact proportion determined? By the standards of what men are attracted to? We take the negative things we tell ourselves as definitive truths and broadcast them to the world until we--and those around us--cannot hear over the shouting and screaming voices in our heads. The voices beat us down and we can't stop them because they've become so ingrained in how we see ourselves.

Then there's the question of disordered eating. So many women police their own eating and the eating of other women. People will condescend to me for eating an apple (e.g. "Oh, you're so healthy"), or for eating a slice of cake (e.g. "Should you really be eating that?"). Since all of my actions make it absolutely clear that this behaviour is unacceptable and people continue to be so openly rude about it, imagine what happens to girls who speak out about their 'negative' qualities? The moment you complain about those "10 extra pounds" or your "flat chest", someone is going to take this as an invitation to give you unsolicited advice or make snide comments about your food choices. And the saddest part is that most women listen and let people like this affect which food and how much of it they are going to eat.

The most dangerous aspect of all of this business is that most women have been so deep in this spiralling process for such a length of time that they barely notice it. They just think they're being rational and realistic, and that to be a confident woman is to have something wrong with you! They turn on people who've managed to work--hard--to get past problems with body image and eating and tell them that they're full of themselves. Women against women is the worst thing, and yet I worry exactly about those women who take out their self-esteem issues on other women. The targets of their comments are relatively safe, if they really are comfortable in their skin. Envy and self-loathing are a poison that course through the veins of many women who've had their self-esteem beaten out of them over the years. They're not bad people, but the poison flows from them to those around them, creating a chain reaction in all those who become involved.

I won't even bother to mention the media in this post, or how patriarchal society (which creates media and fosters an anti-female attitude) contributes to these sentiments. That's enough for two more posts, entirely!